So here I am, sitting at the computer in the place I work (Engineering Hydraulics shop) on the USS Peleliu LHA-5, about fifty notical miles out from San Diego. It's our fith day underway and I'm currently on watch, though I don't do much during this watch except go down to Aft Steering once an hour to take readings on the starboard side steering gear because port side is about 50 different kinds of fucked up. It's about four thirty in the morning and we've been out to sea for about five days now, I'm wide awake because I went to bed at like 10 and I'll be on watch til 8am. But it's sunday which means holiday routine which means it's basically a day off underway.

But the whole reason we're out here is because we had to offload all the ammo that was in our cargo hold which took four days. That was four days of 21hr work days for me. And god it feels so good to be done with that stuff, I can actually get a decent amount of sleep again. But we still got another five days out because we have Harrier Operations to do. That's nothing compared to the ammo offload which consisted of us running the aircraft elevator about a hundred to two hundred times a day. Now it'll only be three or four times a day, which is an awesome relief. The operation went smoothly with little issues happening with the cargo weapons elevators and so most of our time spent was in down time if we weren't running the aircraft elevator (which only takes one person to man).

But there's some bad things that happened. First, my computer decided to die and delete its operating system...oh noes! But on the brighter side of that situation, my buddy McKeeman is selling me is Asus for about four hundred bucks, which is CHEAP for an Asus computer.

On an even brighter side. I'M NO LONGER SINGLE! Bwahahahahahahahahahahaha!

I've also taken to listening to a lot of Vienne Teng lately...given how my mood has been shitty the last few days it helps me relax. But my mood is much betterz nao, and I am feeling very very good about the rest of this underway. Course when we get back I have some things to take care of, such as finalizing the payment on my car, going to actually get my lisence and I still have to get the damned thing registered in my name. Yeah, I bought an Accura RsX. Wonderful car, great handling, the gas is a little touchy but I can deal with that. Rice burners are so wonderful because they get AMAZING gas mileage! Hooray forty bucks for a full tank xD.

On an even BRIGHTER side...I'm no longer an alcoholic bastard! HAHAHA! The last few times someone has asked me to go drinking with them they got a big fat NO! I vill not drink with joo! </poorly written out german accent>.

Also, my buddy Flickinger and I have taken to creating a new internet show called "The Flickwhit Show," featuring some very hopeless shinanigans such as smoking Spice (which is a legal drug might I add) and walking through San Diego high as a kite while playing guitar with our buddy Vic's crutches while he sits his gimp ass down on some stone steps. Sport with the russian whose favorite line is "Don't make me go Russian badass on you," talking about stupid things such as losing socks and talking about outdated politics while high on Spice...holy hell what we have is hilarious. Episode one is still in progress because we keep getting new ideas and we don't know what and what not to put in the first episode. It's gotta be mild because we don't know how it's going to turn out, but we're hoping for the best. At most it's a side project, but someday we hope to make it bigger.

I'm sure that things will start looking up more and more and life is getting so much better. I don't go on another deployment until 2010 and even then, I'm told I can put in an early out chit as far as six months in advance. That means I can get out of the Navy SIX MONTHS EARLY! Oh praise man who created that policy, if he's dead I'm gonna dig him up and give him a big hug, then bury him again out of feeling bad about digging him up int he first place xD.

Rawr! XD

Anywayz, til next time.

~Brandon.


Last minute note...

Thanks for referring me to Vienna Teng! Must buy more musix by herz...

Psy fan club...join nao! >(

I've officially realized something upon returning home from Christmas Leave this time around. And what I realized is this:

I'm never really happy. I've always got this sinking feeling in my gut like the day is going to go wrong, and no matter what I do, what I think about, how I act, I can't make that feeling disappear. It just...follows me. While I was home on leave I didn't have that feeling, I was home, I was with family, I was happy. The only thing that really lessens the feeling is social interaction, and a lot of the time, that's not even possible during the work day, considering the people I work with are complete douche bags and I avoid speaking to them as much as possible.

Online social interaction also tends to help. I do play World of Warcraft, as well as Counter-Strike: Source (I've been on Counter-strike twice as often), and that in particular makes me feel better, the only problem is, I can't always get on because it's online. I find that I'm much more comfortable when I'm socializing in an online...well...manner. But during the day, and especially on duty days, I feel like absolute shit because I always feel like I'm doing something wrong, like I've fucked up to make some feeling like this happen, and then it worsens. Several times I've felt like just...breaking down and have found myself unable to, no matter how hard I try, and I know it'll make me feel better, but I just can't get it out.

It's been two years...two years...and I've noticed that whenever I'm here in San Diego, CA during those last two years, I have NEVER been happy. Not ONCE have I felt as happy as I used to before I joined the military. Ever since I joined the military I've been nothing but...pissed off...depressed...annoyed...frustrated...very rarely to I even feel happy...and the feeling eases whenever I interact with someone, but the moment the interaction ends...the feeling comes back.

I'm sorry, you guys don't need to hear about this shit...

Anyway...

Til next time
~Brandon

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*hungover at them moment of writing this journal* So...Christmas has been amazing yet again, though this is the first Christmas in which I played beer pong before all the guests arrived. When I came back to Livermore on leave this time around, my buddy John from my command came up with me to spend Christmas with me and my family. Well, me and him were playing beer pong Christmas afternoon just before the guests starting coming in, and got extraordinarily buzzed/borderline drunk off of all the beer (though it was mostly me because I was getting my ass kicked.) And we took about an hour and a half break from any alcohol after that, then started drinking again, never really losing the buzz that we had earlier.

But other than that, today there is going to be a bonfire, hosted by myself, John, and one of my buddies, Boz, here in Livermore. There's gonna be beer, awesome music, and a big ass fire. Just hopefully no cops xD ah it's going to be awesome.

Cha, and I got clothes and a camera for Christmas in case you're wondering. Which doesn't bother me because I was in dire need of civilian clothing and this camera is badass, plus there's not much a military man needs in his life that's super awesome/expensive, unless it's a plasma TV in a slightly expensive apartment or house. xD Anywayz...

Til next time.
~Brandon

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HAHA! So, I no longer live on the boat! YES! I now live in my own place out in Mission Valley, CA, which is only about 15 minutes away from San Diego Naval Base, especially with my buddy driving. Yeah, he owns a 91 Corvette, and he drives like a maniac. If I hadn't driven with my friend Stephanie before the deployment, I would be scared shitless to be in the passanger seat of his car...but since I'm used to completely psychopathic driving, it didn't really bother me, especially when we accidentally drift around a turn that we weren't supposed to take according to traffic laws. > Life on the dangerous side...I love it.

Also, recently I got back into airsoft, and let me tell you, me n my buddies have been having a BLAST with it over the last few weeks. Every weekend we've hit up a creek (which has plenty of space), and only stopped to charge up the rifle batteries in the cars. To our dismay, we went back to the cars one night, and were putting everything away, when we were fired at from the railroad tracks on the hill. They hit the cars, and we were PISSED! So we spent three hours hunting the mother fuckers down in pitch black darkness because of the environment. Thankfully, my modded M4 Carbine (full auto electric with laser scope and several hi-cap clips) had a flashlight attachment, so we had some illumination. We left two people back with the cars while four of us went into the high grass and hills to hunt down our assailents.

Well, we found them working on some busted-ass piece of shit truck underneath some very high overpasses.

...

We didn't hesitate.

We fuckin BLASTED them, I think I shot out one of their windows. We caught in close to cause some pain, then retreated back the way we came, got in the cars and drove off.

God damn it was a fun night. When we came back the next weekend, they decided to have a little personal war with us, so we parked the cars in places they couldn't find them, then had all out war. We brought plenty of ammo, plenty of extra clips, and plenty of extra batteries.

In the end, I had so many whelts on my body...god it was a pain in the ass to NOT scratch them, and half of them bled...I even caught one almost right in the eye (we weren't wearing head protection), and that one bled pretty bad.

Doesn't matter though, it was fun as all hell!

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Well, I'm definitely well established into my new view of home. Things feel different now that I'm back. Two of my best friends that basically made my whole world what is was before deployment got kicked out of the military. I'm spending most of my time at my buddy's house about ten miles from the base. I'm dodging my superiors in order to get the maximum time off that I can before we absolutely have to be back at work and it's not POM period. I'm also struggling with my finances just like I was before deployment.

I'm trying to get the motivation to just save and not spend, and so far it's been working better than usual. I'm spending as little as possible, even cutting back on food intake (which is usually massive amounts and I still can't gain any weight). It's difficult because I'm hungry pretty much all the time, but that can't be helped, it's the way I've always been. Unfortunately I can't just raid the fridge because there's very little in it, and I wouldn't exactly feel comfortable with it anyway.

Oh well, I'm slowly getting used to the new life I'm living now that I'm back and hopefully it'll get better. Oh well...I'm just biding my time until December when I can actually go home for Christmas on leave.

Til next time.
~Brandon

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